I'm all shades of black and white.

Although the Winter season is over, and the weather is less hormonal (debatable), the sun shines (sometimes), but still my despair lingers.  
This feeling of restlessness in personal and professional relations, flows through my thoughts, consumes my heart and manifests itself in my actions. Unhappiness is a disease that infiltrates everyday routine, turning it into something ugly.  The days - especially the ones where spare time is scarce- become long.  It becomes trickier to smile when the mind is an unsettled negative atmosphere.  Before you know it the days become weeks, and the weeks become months and you are no closer to your dreams.  No closer to your ultimate happiness.
Don't get it twisted though; understand that happiness is not when your life goals are achieved, but when you are content in the present moment with all you have.  What does not help is not dedicating time to said goals, instead wading through the mud of life.  Nobody ever had fun wading through mud without a purpose.  Hell, nobody ever had fun wading through mud!
I trudge through my days wondering not just how I can achieve my goals, also when I will dedicate the time to do that.  I can definitively say, that career wise, I am not living my dream.  Have I told you this?  That is not to say I get up in the morning with forebodings about going to work.  I am just honest enough to say my career hasn't reached my personal pinnacle.
And so as I sit at my computer on this slow Wednesday afternoon, I ask the Universe to grant me the power to create a time and space to focus on my dreams a little every day.  I have the foundations of the determination to succeed, however a little shove in the right direction is welcomed with open arms.  I vow to dedicate my life not to keeping on, not to getting by, only to making my dreams come true.

Much Love, EL x

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